A Beautiful Birthday and Rapid Rosettes

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A delicate display of frosted chocolate rosettes
A delicate display of frosted chocolate rosettes

I take back all the times I thought I was busy.  I’ve been in beast mode working late every day for the past couple months and bringing home work on weekends.  A lot of people have been asking to place orders, and I feel so bummed out I have to decline due to the fact that I f*cking need sleep.  Any baking I do has to be carefully planned in advance and done given 3 hours of shut-eye.  My little baby cousin’s birthday was coming up, and since I didn’t get to see this little sweetie and her crazy awesome bro last month at our family get-together, I was determined to bake something for the party.

Left: The birthday girl is enjoying her cupcake cone treat; Right: Her superhero big brother gets his own "birthday" cupcake
Left: The birthday girl is enjoying her cupcake cone treat; Right: Her superhero big brother gets his own “birthday” cupcake (Photos by Paul Do)

A couple weeks before X’s birthday, I got one of the best emails from a then-potential customer.  She said, “Hello, First, I find your website fantastic – you’re witty, direct, and balls out. Of course, your work is amazing…” It was like, YES, this lady totally gets it!!! She was planning a party for her parents’ 50th anniversary (kudos to them!) and wanted classy cupcakes for the celebration to be delivered the day after my cousin’s birthday.  The order was basic enough, so I decided, “F  it.  I’m going to make TONS of cupcakes for BOTH events.  I can totally do this!”  I guess I was too excited to factor in sleep for that weekend, per usual.

Delicious, airy, moist, bare nekkid chocolate cupcakes swathed in gold foil.  So sexy.
Delicious, airy, moist, bare nekkid chocolate cupcakes swathed in gold foil. So sexy.

I didn’t have time to start ANYTHING until Friday night.  At 1030 pm.  And we were leaving for Philly Saturday morning.   The only thing I did to prep was have Vin take 6 pounds of butter out of the freezer and let them soften to room temp.  He’s a good helper sometimes; Vin automatically took out all the sticks of butter and stood each one vertically on the glasstop stove [Nerd Katherine says: more surface area exposed = faster softening of butter] and he said, “They look like buildings… like there’s Butter City on our stove.” (Sometimes, he’s really cute, this one =)

Chocolate and vanilla rosette cupcakes
Chocolate and vanilla rosette cupcakes

Since I was making vanilla cupcakes and chocolate cupcakes, I pre-measured out all the ingredients first and just let the stuff for the chocolate batter sit for a bit.  I didn’t feel like dragging up the 2nd mixer from the basement @ 11 pm, so I mixed and baked the vanilla cupcakes first. I had half a dozen ice cream cones leftover so I baked some of those cupcakes for X’s party, too.  There was still batter leftover so I just made a couple trays of mini cupcakes. While the batch of vanilla cooled, I mixed up and baked the chocolate cupcakes.  For some reason, these babies rose super high like muffins but with super light texture.  I put less batter in each cake liner, so I ended up with way more chocolate than vanilla cakes. Whatever.  They tasted awesome and SOMEONE would eat them.

The monster twins.  Left: Thing 2 is mixing up chocolate frosting and Thing 1 is whipping up vanilla.
The monster twins. Left: Thing 2 is mixing up chocolate frosting and Thing 1 is whipping up vanilla.

While the mega batch of ‘roided chocolate cupcakes cooled, I dumped a crapload of softened butter in the mixer and let it cream for a few minutes.  I made just enough whipped vanilla frosting to use for X’s cupcakes and packaged a mix of cupcake cones, regular chocolate cupcakes and a whole bunch of minis to the party.  (P.S. The ice cream cone cupcakes were properly transported in plastic cups secured in Amazon boxes and air-filled packaging. I just threw them on the top of a stack of cupcakes and they were totally fine in the backseat of the car. WHY DID I NOT THINK OF THAT SOONER???)

Me with the birthday girl, who is totally loving the cone cupcake =)
Me with the birthday girl, who is totally loving the cone cupcake =) (Photo by Paul Do)

The baked goods were a hit with the birthday girl and the guests.  I was asked what kind of magical frosting was used on the cupcakes, and I was like, “Oh… it’s just buttercream.  It’s literally butter and sugar.”  (I guess ppl are just used to having either super fancy aerated French AHSS-eeng or really processed, mass produced sh*t b/c this  is standard in my kitchen.  Nothing else touches my cupcakes.  NOTHING.)  At the party, I told my sister about how I had to deliver an order the following day for a woman who said I was “balls out,” and B was like, “Dude. Stop showing your balls.” A quick mutual “look” later, we both burst out laughing.  Hahaha  It was such a fun get-together; I love seeing M & X… they are the best kids ever!  On top of the festivities, my aunt made these awesome goodie bags with stickers and stamps and fish necklaces and water toys for the little kids (my sister and I included)  =D

I had to disassemble and reassemble this stupid chocolate frosting bag so many times because of busted frosting tips...
I had to disassemble and reassemble this stupid chocolate frosting bag so many times because of busted frosting tips… ashdgkashlkawehwoeuzsdab

The next day, I defrosted the rest of the butter from my freezer; it’s kind of scary to be completely out of the good stuff.  (There’s a half stick in the weird top door compartment for “normal” cooking so it doesn’t count.)  I set up the 2nd mixer so that I could make 2 giant batches of chocolate and vanilla frosting simultaneously.  I thought I was pretty careful and sifted about 8 pounds of powdered sugar before adding it to the mixers, but the chocolate frosting… man, I wasted all that careful sugar sifting b/c I just dumped unsifted cocoa powder into the mixer, so there were tiny clumps, which got stuck in the frosting tip. I may or may not have gotten frustrated and fed up taking apart the icing bag to unclog the metal tip and putting it back together, so I may or may not have slammed the icing tip against the counter a couple times to force the cocoa clump to come out.  On a few occasions, this caveman method worked; however, I kind of completely ruined a couple of my frosting tips…

Varying degrees of frosting tip abuse -- watch for the signs.
Varying degrees of frosting tip abuse — the one on the right is just flat and smashed in.  oooooops…

Let’s just say icing the vanilla cupcakes were a breeze in comparison to the chocolate ones.  *sigh*  Making the rosettes themselves were so easy; seriously… it took 3 seconds to make one helluva classy looking cupcake.  =)  Once I was done piping flower swirls, I packed up the rest of the frosting and hauled the twins outside for a thorough cleaning.

I'm hosing down the twins on the patio, right where I painted a cupcake stand white.
I’m hosing down the twins on the patio, right where I spray painted a cupcake tower stand.

I cleaned myself up and then Vin helped me drop off the cupcakes to the customer. I gave her some of my special “Congratulations” cards to dole out to worthy imbeciles since she was so cool about this order.  She said the cupcakes looked gorgeous and I was  SO happy about that!  I wish all my customers were this rad.  The crazy baking was worth it.  And now, I could finally nap.  Hahaha

When it comes to frosting, a swirl is a swirl is a swirl.
When it comes to frosting, a swirl is a swirl is a swirl.

My body was so beat up and my neck and shoulders were like solid rocks.  I posted on facebook that I would gladly trade 2 dozen mini cupcakes for a massage, and voila… a lovely licensed massage therapist friend hooked me up.  I had no idea how stiff and tight and stressed I was till she kneaded my bod, but I feel so much better.  J, you’re a lifesaver!!!  <3 I brought her a mix of 24 mini cupcakes, and she and her super buff trainer friends were clawing at them like zombies.  It was amusing and kind of a relief to see gym rats got nuts for cake (like the rest of us humans).  =)  J suggested that if I ever brought tasty protein cupcakes to the gym, I’d make a killing.  HHHHMMMMmmmm…

BUTTERRRRRRRR... The most beautiful thing I've ever seen...
BUTTERRRRRRRR… The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen…

Later that week, we went to Costco and I restocked on butter.  I bought a case of it… 36 pounds, baby!  This is the most butter I’ve had @ one time, and it felt fantastic going from 0 to 144 sticks.  And they’d have a proper home in our new basement freezer!  Muahahahahaaa  I also picked up a case of powdered sugar bags (I believe it came to 48 pounds, give or take). Oh, if only you could only see how happy I was that day… ALMOST as happy as when this little girl came over to give me a hug <3

The cuteness!!!  Gahhh… I love them so much!!!
The cuteness!!! Gahhh… I love them so much!!! (Photos by Paul Do)

One more freebie pic:

Working on the LIRR... Left: I'm sorting out photos for this blog post entry; Right: Vin is drafting his latest novella
Working on the LIRR… Left: I’m sorting out photos for this blog post entry; Right: Vin is drafting his latest novella

2 thoughts on “A Beautiful Birthday and Rapid Rosettes”

  1. Could you please email me directions or a link on how to do rapid rosettes! The ones at the top of the page look so realistic and I’m just tired of the traditional rosettes. Please and thank you in advance!

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